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Tell Tale Signs You’re Being Pursued by a Commitment-Phobic Man

commitmentphobicThe phrase “If it looks too good to be true, it probably is,” was never truer than when you are being pursued by a commitmentphobic man. I know those words are hard to read. I know how desperately you want to believe his promises are true. I know how desperately you want to believe you have finally found the one you’ve searched for all of your life. I know you can, and likely will, invent all sorts of reasons why he’s turned away from you. I know because I have been where you are. Sister, if you stay, you will beg to be loved, and your denial will bleed your self-worth dry.

Read through the following lists and see if you can relate to having these experiences with a commitment-phobic man.

  1. You may not find him that attractive, interesting, and/or irresistible
  2. The more you appear reluctant the more intense his pursuit

On The First Date

  1. He is charming, attentive, sensitive, witty, generous, protective…… i.e. PERFECT
  2.  He makes you feel beautiful, special, intelligent, irresistible, safe……. .i.e. PERFECT

AFTER The First Date:

  1. You learn he has a history of failed relationships, which he may rationalize as “her fault.”
  2. He sets up constant contact through emails, text messages, phone calls, flower deliveries, greeting cards, and showing up just to surprise you.
  3. He is comfortable with emotions, including crying about his childhood and past relationships.
  4. He may have, or profess to have, a close relationship with his mother.
  5. Before you are expecting it, he hints about making an exclusive commitment to each other.
  6. You test him, and he passes. Examples: He helps you move; gives up his “boys’ night out;” picks up your mom at the airport; holds you after sex….. all night; fixes you breakfast the morning after; tells you you’re beautiful when you look awful; kisses the tears from your cheeks.
  7. He easily talks of a future together, including tomorrow, next week, next year and forever.
  8. He says he wants children, or wishes you had been the mother of his children.
  9. Every thing you’ve ever dreamed of, and been terrified to trust could come true, is coming true.
  10. You have never felt so loved, unconditionally.

AFTER the LAST DATE:

  1. He repeats any or all of the above with you in much less time
  2. Or, he repeats any or all of the above with your replacement

How do you disentangle from his web of lies, deceit, false hope and fear?

  1. Open your tear-filled eyes.
  2. See this episode as a full frontal abuse of your trust and affection.
  3. Totally disengage from any and all contact with him.
  4. Run the emotional gamut from paralyzing grief to empowering rage.
  5. Then, don’t waste your suffering.

You are responsible for protecting your self-worth by embracing your dignity with an unbreakable promise to your own emotional well-being, first, last and always. This promise is your golden key to staying safe, focused and on the path that leads to your true prince. Finding him requires time, testing, and tenacity, but you will recognize him. He’ll be the one patiently waiting until you are absolutely sure you have found him. He will be the man with whom you can trust your truth and your tears; the man who will keep your soul safe.

YOU are Worthy. Blessed be.

Excerpt from Chapter 17 “Mr. Right versus Mr. I’ll Be Right Back”