“He was like a cock who believed the sun rose just to hear him crow.” George Eliot
Sisters, when you suspect you’re dating a narcissist, here’s what you’re in for if you stay on…
A narcissist believes he is “perfection” incarnate. But, beneath his “perfect” image lurks a self-centered, ego-driven, ruthless heart with one goal in mind…to win.
Oh sure, when he first says “Hello,” he appears as if he’s confidence on steroids. This is simply FEAR run amok. Inside, he hides his trembling, weak, insecure, toxic core. When his faux confidence needs a “female fix,” he hunts, again, for a woman naive enough to believe that WHAT he shows her is ALL there is.
It does not matter whether you appear unsure, shy, or helpless, or if you are confident, accomplished, and independent. To feed his ego, he needs you. So, he will shape-shift into whatever man he thinks you want. He will ACT as though he is charismatic, generous, intelligent, and entertaining. He’s done his homework, so add to the list nurturing, patient, compassionate, empathetic, and protective. I mean, he’s your Prince, right? If you feel insecure, he flatters you. If you are lonely, he won’t leave you alone. If you have doubts about him, he wins your trust. If you resist him, he becomes irresistible. Along the way, just like all the women who came before, you begin to believe his lie that you are the only one who has ever truly understood him. You are the ONE he’s looked for all of his life. Of course, it is very important to remember here that Mr. Narcissist is a master of seduction. Beneath the surface lie hidden agendas and ulterior motives. So, if you believe him, and hand him your heart, he will respond by stealing your soul.
Let the MIND GAMES begin!
Stage 1: He will calculate when, where and how to start making you crazy. Often his first step looks something like this: Because he is “madly in love” with you, you assume you two are standing, hand-in-hand, on solid ground, facing a future of wedded bliss. Then, comes the moment you feel that first “tug on the rug” beneath your feet. He might yell at you, or withhold affection, or disappear for a day, or a week, or more. Wait! What? As you try to make sense of it all, you are caught between three choices: If you ignore or forgive this unsettling tug, you give him permission to UP his game. If you choose to call him on it, he’ll make excuses, or tell you something along the lines of “You’re reading too much into this.” Here’s your third choice: Whatever he says, if you’re a NaughtABimbeaux, you’ll put on your tennies and run like hell! If you aren’t, you’ll stay.
Narcissist 1. Bimbo 0.
Stage 2: He begins to target your “flaws.” At first,樂威壯
he may criticize things you can change, such as how you dress, the friends you keep, the music you like, or the foods you eat. Because you believe he’s your long-lost prince, you’ll change anything he asks, just to please him. He’ll be pleased, all right… for a moment. But, to lift his ego up, he has to put you down. Disempowering you empowers him. So, to keep you off balance, he ups the ante. He criticizes things you can’t change, such as your physical appearance, the sound of your voice, or your family. His expectations become demanding, exaggerated, unrealistic, and unending. Along the way, all of his early, fake promises of protection and nurturing are replaced with real criticism, negativity, and anger. If you’re still in his game, you question, “What am I doing wrong?”
Narcissist 2. Bimbo 0.
Stage 3: News Flash!! “Listening” is not in Mr. N’s vocabulary. Communication goes south, fast! Just try to share your thoughts or feelings. Just try to discuss, much less convince him, of what you said, what you heard, what you meant. It won’t matter, because he only hears what he can use against you. At this point, if you’re still hanging onto hope, you try desperately to figure out what triggers him. But, sister, you’re not psychic! Besides, his mind is a closed vault, so how can you possibly predict his triggers? Yet, here you are… analyzing, begging, pleading, bargaining, excusing, then, finally, submitting so he will not leave you. So he will love you. Ah! But he cannot, did not, nor will he ever, love another. Not you. Not the ones who came before. Not the ones waiting in his future. From his perspective, “power and control” are how he defines intimacy. This insanity that now poisons your life is how his fractured ego survives. If you think you’ll change “King Me” into your prince, just ask your girlfriends how well that works out.
Narcissist 3. Bimbo 0.
Want to know how to never let this hell happen again? From day ONE, to keep your heart safe, use your head. If you leave his life the moment he waves his first red flag, he’ll know he’s playing a losing game with a winning woman. If you require a hundred red flags before you wake up and walk out, so be it. Just know that you will move on, knowing he crushed everything precious that you held in your outstretched hand.
But, PLEASE, whenever you do realize he has caught you in a game you cannot win, give yourself time, lots of time, to take a time out so you can fall in love ~ first, last, and always ~ with yourself. Loving you is the key to finding the one who is WORTHY of You ~ the one you can trust, forever, with your truth and your tears. It is he who will walk with you, hand in hand, on solid ground. It is he who lives to love you.
YOU are Worthy. Blessed be.
“Mr. Right versus Mr. Always Right ~The JOY of Narcissism”
Chapter 18 ~ On Becoming NaughtABimbeaux
www.NaughtABimbeaux.com