“From the time I heard my first love story, I started looking for you.” -Rumi
This was supposed to be easy, right? Once you grew up, there would magically appear the man of your dreams, casting you that stunning first glance across the crowded room, and folding hand into hand, and heart into heart, you would stroll as one through the envying crowd, together forever into eternal bliss. Your handsome prince would ______________, and ______________, and _____________ your every need, and you would, indeed, live happily ever after.
Never, never was there anything about kissing frogs.
For those of us in the Single Sisterhood, looking for Mr. Right is as unconscious as breathing. Whether we are new to the game, or well-seasoned survivors, when we are sweating at the gym, sipping cappuccinos at Starbucks, stopped at the red light, or making strained conversation on the first – and last – date with Mr. Wrong, we females silently scan the space we’re in, searching for that one perfect specimen who catches our eye. When we actually spy such a stunning one, and those bright sparks fly, our wishful heart tramples all sense of logic as we charge forth into a primal rush to Fantasyland, with our little girl illusions of And they all lived happily ever after. Never mind trying to change this. It’s a survival thing.
In the times of the Neanderthal, the relationship bar was set pretty low for females who needed only to ensure protection for themselves and their offspring. As you are likely well aware, our modern relationship bar is set quite a bit higher. Unlike our Neanderthal sisters, when considering your potential mate, your evolved brain is capable of more complex priorities than simply assessing body mass and hunting to kill anything that moves. Ironically, in either era, female observes male. The difference is that for Cate the Cave Girl, dating and mating pretty much involved What you see is what you get. End of story.
For you, what you see is a mere smidgeon of what you might get if you leap before you really look. So, if you are still depending on Cate’s unconscious and impulsive approach to dating, the Happily ever after ending is a rare, if ever, outcome. Maybe you’re OK with investing precious time as your biological clock tick tocks through a never ending saga of cuckoos, setting yourself up to repeat, ad nauseum, the But, he’s so nice / cute / rich / available dead end. Maybe you get a rush charging head first into another brick wall, only to discover, once again, that you’ve wasted your time and tears on a man who offers you no future. I call this the Pasta Principle, because you’ve convinced yourself, If I just throw enough spaghetti on the wall, surely one of them will stick. But, if a slightly more enlightened approach interests you, read on.
Before you get burned again boiling any more pasta, would it be worth a bit of your time to turn off the stove, turn on your mind and take control of your love quest? Would it be worth taking a time- out from mindless dating, and instead take a time-in to open your mind, and learn what you need to know to have what you want?
If what you are looking for is love that lasts a lifetime, learning to open your mind’s eye to see below the surface would be a good thing. Thankfully, it’s also not difficult. That is, if you are willing to shift from the prehistoric approach of I see male, I grab male, to I see that male, and I will watch him for a while to see if he is worthy of me. Why? Because how he looks doesn’t guarantee how he loves. And, how he loves you is the ultimate question.
So, if your story falls a bit short, and maybe reads more like Tales from the Crypt than Cinderella, maybe it’s time to turn Once upon a Time into REAL LIFE. What if you could predict if that man eying you across the crowded room, or rumpled up in your sheets, or just coming around that next corner was your longed for prince? What value would you place on knowing Is he fraud? or Is he Forever? before you hand over your heart to his keeping?
If you are seeking yet another quick fix for solving the heart-wrenching state of your love life, then On Becoming NaughtABimbeaux is probably not the book for you. But if you:
- Have done all the right things to make him happy, make him comfortable, make him stay only to watch his back as he walks, runs, sneaks out of your life
- Have loved with wild abandon and found yourself abandoned
- Have valued being in a relationship more than you have valued yourself
- Have lost your sense of self by giving in to his
- Have tried to make sense of what will never make sense
- Have wondered what you are missing in how to play the game of love
- Have thought you could not survive another wrenching affair
- Are ready to take control and insist on what you deserve in life and love
Then what is offered here will support you.
